Designated Dolt

There's nothing a biker likes most than taking a good turn on the road, unhindered, at the perfect angle and the perfect speed. There is God to be found in every bend of the Macadamised. A perfect turn, perfectly executed is Zen itself.

And similarly, there is nothing more frustrating than a turn rendered wrong. Mostly because some slop in his sad excuse for a car decides not to apply his brains, and extends the application instead to his brakes.

You see crimson as you pull out of a turn, into a screeching halt, a swear on your lips and murder in your eye. You glance the glance of a thousand knives as you overtake the slob only to realize that he doesn't look like the sort who would ordinarily make a mistake like that.

Are all motorists on the road dolts? Can't be. Or are all motorists around you dolts? Cant be either. That's a generalization. I've sat in cabs and autorickshaws and the drivers, barring a few exceptions, have been competent, if not good. And this phenomena I have observed across many cities across India.

Where then, does one find the errant driver?

Let me propose a theory.

Consider the 'Designated Driver' at a party. He's the one to be found wistfully nursing his Virgin Mary, while his friends endeavour to test the limits of their Livers. On any other day, he's to be found partaking of the brewed and the distilled in quantities that would kill an elephant. But on this day, he is a timid teetotler who'll pass the -OH group for the H2O.

So on this day, he assumes the personality of someone who he's usually not, for a brief period of time. A personality that has been thrust upon him by his peer, for a designated time.

And so it is with the 'Dolts' on the road. Maybe they too are perfectly normal drivers but for the duration of some fleeting moments, they assume the mantle of the 'Designated Dolt' and can't help but act 'in character'. And then the moment passes to another who in turn causes his share of chaos.

I can almost bet that if you look closely enough at the people in the traffic, you can almost spot the 'Designated Dolt' of the moment, and watch the designation move across the length of the road.

Haven't you caught yourself doing something foolish on the road. Forgetting a turn, stalling your car, cutting someone off. Was it the real, rational, intelligent you that did that? No it was your 'Designated Dolt' self.

So on a bad day, you may just be unlucky enough to have many people around you, pass the mantle. On a good day, you may encounter only one.

I like the theory. Beats coming to terms with your bad driving. Or for that matter, your girlfriend's.