The Living Dead

Ever wondered why 'Life', something that is supposed to represent energy, motion, change and all that living stands for, seems to stagnate ever so often. And ironically, Death seems to have more 'life' in it.

Someone once said that suicide happens when the fear of life overpowers the fear of death. Now, I'm not in a morbid mood and I'm not suicidal at all. But every once in a while, when it's afternoon and the office has settled down after lunch, there seems to be a lull in life's life force. That's when death suddenly seems a livelier option.

It doesn't shout at you and command you to slit your wrist or jump off the top of the building. It just whispers in your ears to entice you into it's domain. It's almost as sensual and subte as a light touch on your shoulder, or a caress of your face. And you begin contemplating the change over.

And then there's the thrill of shocking everyone when they least expect it. I mean, if you'd shut yourself into your room for 3 days and then someone found you dead, it wouldn't exactly be a surprise.

But if you had come in on a monday morning, full of beans, laughing, smiling. And an hour later, the office workers find your limp body oozing life on the pavement, wouldn't it come as a shock to everyone.

But what's the pont, when you won't even be around to see your handywork.

I am afraid of death. Not because it means an end to life as such or that it might be painful. I don't worry about that. I'm worried that if I die, it might have all my illusions shattered. My theories on God, afterlife, heaven, good and bad.

What if God's not really this benevolent force that I believe in and is rather this sadistic beast I kind of suspect he is? What if some unknown religious sect was right about the nature of the universe? What if shintoism is right and my own religion wrong? What if God is an 5 headed, 8 breasted 4 balled, dickless hermaphrodite? Or worse yet, what is God is a woman?

But jokes apart, that's why I'm scared of dying.